My last installment was an introduction to my rebellious nature and how now, with the economic collapse, I am feeling vindicated about many of the unconventional choices I’ve made. So what else exactly do I feel vindicated about? Here are just a few examples of conventional societal advice and how not taking it has panned out for me:
1 – You need to work hard, earn at least a Master’s degree and plan your career goals carefully to be successful and “get ahead.”
I never planned my career or ever really picked one thing to be.
Well, I did want to be an Elevator Operator at one point. Pushing the buttons and going up and down all day looks like the best job in the world to a 4-year-old. Then there was the Movie Star phase…
In school I was shuttled into doing things I was good at but not necessarily interested in. And like so many girls, I was looking for love and approval and trying to please everyone. But as I grew I never really wanted to be the kind of person I saw “getting ahead” so I never set my sights there. Then the 60’s happened and the Feminist Movement. I spent some years in the counter culture which eventually led to healing codependency issues and leaving a bad marriage. In my late 30’s I shifted my trajectory toward feeling fulfilled, finding what makes me happy and being in a good relationship. And now I am in the same or better financial shape as many people who have spent their entire adult lives faithfully climbing the ladder that just broke. Only I have a large degree of inner peace and happiness and the best marriage I can imagine. I can’t say that for all of my go-getter friends and acquaintances.
Vindicated.
2) The real measure of success and the way to plan for your financial future is to own your own home.
I didn’t buy a house like someone of my age is “supposed” to have done by now. I never had to deal with replacing the roof or the plumbing or any of a multitude of head-aches that ownership presents. Plus, I have had excellent landlords who have pretty much allowed me to do what I wanted with my dwellings over the years. I’m now in a reasonably priced apartment, living IN San Francisco (which has rent control) in a quiet building with 3 other units of lovely people who all have cats… and no underwater mortgage to stress over.
Vindicated.
3) If you’re not blonde, tall, thin and have disproportionately large breasts, you will never “get” a man or have a rockin’ sex life.
Now that may seem a little extreme to some. But we women and girls who will NEVER look like this are the vast majority since the average American woman is a size 14 and 162.9 lbs! And we know that this is the unreal stereotype to which we all fall short no matter how many affirmations we say. The message is so ingrained that even those who do meet these criteria seldom believe that they do.
I am a short, fat, older woman with a bad back who hates wearing a bra. I have a fantastic husband with whom I am about to celebrate our 13th Annual Honeymoon. And the sex? Let me say this:
Vindicated!
I’m sure there are many other ways in which I feel better and better about the choices I have made that were in opposition to “normal”. I’ll share them when they occur to me. How about you? Do you feel vindicated about any of your rebellious behavior? Please share!
Next time: Jo’s Theory of How the Human Race Forgot its Priorities Which Led to This Mess
Gee Jo,
San Francisco sounds like Shangra-La! Here in Washington DC, where I live, being “normal” means you’re a stressed-out, dissatisfied, workaholic kvetch. But lucky for me, I landed on my feet mostly, stayed mild and mellow, and hey: abi gezunt, lots of T&A, but no sweetie pie, alas. (hey Jo-can you post this in one of them wild California personal ad sites-you know: “I wish they all could be California …la,la,la,la…”)
As a working DC “society” musician, though now barely working due to the breakdown of society as we knew it, I am used to reinventing myself every 7 years. Example: in ’84, I began calling myself into a jazz violinist. It was not quite true then, but I kept on imagining it was until it happened. Believe me, no one has made an idiot of themselves on stage in so many categories as I have! Fortunately, I chose to believed this to be chutzpah, and not the insanity it may have been.
Nonetheless, trying to play jazz forced made me re-learn violin after having quit for 7 years. I suceeded, one day at a time, thanks to Ronda Cole’s Greater Washington Suzuki Institute and to Jes..(just kidding-I’m Unitarian) These violin master teachers are incredible-like modern-day samurai. It has been exhilarating running along after them, trying to play and become one of them, a real teacher-plus teaching keeps me in green tea and sushi.
But I’m liked by children and old people, so I’m probably not a jerk, but my sisters keep saying if I would just grow up, and do what mature persons do, I would have a significant other who wasn’t a dragon puppet! So I must not be vindicated yet.
But don’t you feel sad for the people for whom the “ladder just broke.” What a rude awakening for mainstream Ohio Methodists, like cousins I left: “haves” who became over night have-nots. No wonder people are so edgy, with crazy tea people toting shotguns along on thier riding mowers. Makes you glad you left Ohio, huh ? Lucky for me, all my sibblings followed me to the East coast, did alright, and made me a proud aunt of 5; and even though a wacky bohemian sister, I did put in an astonishing number of free babysitting hours. Sorry for this long-winded epistle, Jo! Next time I’ll just write on your email. What is it, BTW ?
I am very glad to hear that life has been good to you, Jo, and you didn’t suffer at the hands of too many jerks, with or without hair going up or hanging down, but did at last find a soul mate. You are vindicated. You go girl!